Angels Fall First
by Serah Villiers
Summary: Yugi has fallen into depression, but can't really remember why. Everything is so hazy, but all he thinks is that no one cares. Can he be saved before it's too late?
1. Prologue: The Fallen Angel

**I have had this idea for a while, but haven't actually got around to writing it. This will be a chapter fic, the chapters will be long, so bear with me on updates. This chapter is shorter simply because it is the prologue.**

**I don't know whether this will be shonen-ai or not, if you have a preference put it in a review, if not I'll just write whatever seems right when I come to that part of the fic.**

**Not all chapters will be songfics, probably just the prologue. The song is "Missing" by Evanescence.**

**After this chapter, the next few will be flashbacks.**

**_~*~Angels Fall First~*~_**

Late night Domino City was a spectacular sight, the lights from the houses below shone beautifully. The free light show was best viewed from the memorial bridge; a structure built over Domino Lake in memory of the town's founder.

This late at night however, not many people were out considering the late-January weather. Icy winds whipped the trees, and coupled with the cold rain it was enough to freeze anyone to the bone.

Although there is always an exception. And the exception was a small boy, leaning over the railings staring into the dark water below.

_Please. Please forgive me_

_But I won't be home again_

_Maybe someday you'll have woken up_

_And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one;_

_"Isn't something missing?"_

The said boy was leaning dangerously over the railings, his blond bangs falling into his face, his eyes shining with tears.

The cold didn't bother him anymore. He had long since stopped caring. Caring about himself, caring about others, he was through caring. 

Sighing, the small boy watched as a tear dripped from his face and fell, shining slightly in the moonlight, then delicately hitting the water without a sound.

Ironic, really. He had practiced all his life to go unnoticed, to make as little sound as possible so that no body would know he was there, and the one time he wanted attention, wanted someone to notice his existence he couldn't make a sound.

He had stopped talking to anyone a while ago, and no one noticed. They were all too busy to care about him, they didn't notice his gradual change. How he stopped smiling, stopped laughing, stopped eating, sleeping even talking. And not even his Yami – the one who he had shared a body with for years, the one he had _freed didn't even notice._

The tears began to fall harder, more and more splashing into the murky depths below, yet not a single drop made a sound.

He tried to scream, yell out his frustration…but he found he could no longer use his voice, even if he wanted to.

_You won't cry for my absence I know – _

_You forgot me long ago_

_Am I that unimportant…?_

_Am I so insignificant…?_

_Isn't something missing?_

_Isn't someone missing me?_ __

The water was beginning to look tempting, and the air was getting even colder. He stared down, weighing out the possibilities. 

Now that he was actually _at_ the  bridge he had no idea what he was going to do. What he was willing to do. 

Still staring he closed his eyes as an icy gust of wind whipped at the thin shirt he was wearing, the material was soaked through, and he could just hear his Yami's voice scolding him…but that was in the past. The new Yami wouldn't care what state his clothes were in.

He shuddered involuntary, thinking about what had happened…where had he gone wrong? What terrible deed had he committed to deserve this kind of treatment from his "Friends"?

After all that he had done for them, and now they didn't care. 

Yugi wrapped his arms around his small body, he had always had a thin frame, but since he hadn't seen the point in eating lately he was now tiny. But he didn't care. 

He wasn't bothered about the dark circles that were always around his now dull violet eyes due to lack of sleep, or how pale his face had become. He had stopped styling his hair each morning, preferring to let it hang down, it came to just below his shoulders, the bangs still stayed shaped, though.

He had never really liked the leather outfits, and so was now wearing baggy jeans and a shirt that had once fit nicely; now hung off him.

But he didn't care.

_Please, please forgive me_

_But I won't be home again_

_I know what you do to yourself_

_Shudder deep and cry out;_

_"Isn't something missing?_

_Isn't someone missing me?"_

He thought back to how this had all started, he had been taking a load of extra classes, and had a new job on top of that. His Yami was getting worried that he was over-working himself, but Yugi had just snapped at him or something…it wasn't too clear in his mind.

Things had gone downhill, his friends too were getting worried about him…but Yugi couldn't remember why, or how they had abandoned him. He just knew that he was alone.

Nothing was clear, his mind was spinning, and he felt dizzy. He just knew that he couldn't stay here anymore, he wasn't wanted here.

Before he knew what he was doing he had climbed onto the top of the rail, and was staring down. All he could see was black.

Tears streaming down his face he closed his eyes and griped the railing.

'Please, please forgive me…Yami…everyone…I didn't mean to make everything go so wrong …'

_And if I bleed, I'll bleed_

_Knowing you don't care_

_And if I sleep just to dream of you_

_And wake without you there_

_Isn't something missing?_

Yugi let go of the railing and plunged into the cold, dark depths of the lake, and let go of his final breath…

_Isn't something…_

**_~*~To be Continued~*~_**

**Please review.**


	2. Flashback: School Stress and Jiichans

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter.**

**This chapter is the start of a flashback, the next few chapters will be leading up to what made Yugi so upset. **

**I don't know about the ****Japan**** educational system after compulsory school; so I have based it on ****England****. We have to choose at least 4 subjects, although some people drop some after a while. You can choose more if you want, but it's optional.**

****

**_~*~Angels Fall First~*~_**

The school hall was filled with students, even though it was not a school day. In fact it was one of the remaining days of their holiday, but the students had to choose which subjects they wished to study next year, and so had been called in from their relaxing activities to return to the dreaded building.

Of course for some getting out of the building was more urgent than for others.

"Yeah, that'll do. And that one. Yeah, that looks mildly interesting. And that one makes four!"

"Jounouchi, if you do this properly it will take no longer than about half an hour; is school break so important that you can't take thirty minutes to decide your future?"

"But Anzu; I really do want to take…advanced maths…WHAT? No I don't! Honda pass me an eraser would ya?"

Anzu sighed and turned her attention to the smallest member of their group. Yugi was scribbling away at his own form; blissfully unaware at what Jou had just done.

She looked over at what he had chosen so far and frowned when she saw that not the recommended four boxes had been filled; he had chosen five so far – and was still writing.

"Yugi, how many lessons are you going to take?"

"Huh? Oh, well I can't decide what to take, so I'm choosing any that appeal to me. I've got biology, physics, chemistry, maths, computing and now English. What do you think about History?"

Jou had now erased the unwanted maths from his list and had listened in on the other's conversation.

"Yug, are you planning on eating and sleeping at all this year, bud? I mean I'm taking four and I'm planning on dropping as many as I can."

"Yes well, some of us actually have aspiration, Jou."

"Oh yeah, Anzu? Well what are you taking?"

"Art, media studies, dance and drama."

"Hmm, figures you'd go for stuff like that. Yug, seriously though maybe you should reconsider? I mean six A-levels are a bit much even for you…"

"Seven. I'm going to take geography too."

Jou sat open-mouthed as Yami who had been sitting next to Yugi spoke up.

"Aibou, maybe Jou is right? That is going to be an awful lot of work, you don't want to over work yourself."

"I'll be fine; I can always drop a subject if it gets too much."

Yami frowned slightly and watched as Yugi and Anzu made their way to the front desk to hand in their forms. Jou was still trying to pick subjects and had now enlisted the help of Honda.

"Well what have you got so far?"

"Gym."

"Yeah, gym and what?"

"Just gym."

"You can't just take one lesson. What about history? You were quite good at that. And English."

"Yeah, they were two of the only subjects I actually got a pass in. Why not?"

Jou wrote them down and went with Honda to hand in their own forms.

Yugi and Anzu were waiting with Yami outside of the school building, sitting on the wall talking excitedly about the new lessons they were going to take. But this conversation stopped when the two boys approached; they hated speaking about school work, _especially_ when it was their holiday.

"Finally, that took forever."

"Jou, I'd have thought you'd take a little more interest in something that is going to affect your life so much."

Jou mumbled an inaudible response and sat on the wall next to Yugi who was staring at his timetable. They had all received a table telling them when and where their lessons would take place, and of course, most importantly; where their free periods were.

"Man, Yug, you haven't got _any free lessons. When are you gonna take a break from that lot?"_

"I don't mind, I can relax at weekends or something."

Jou pulled out his own now crumpled timetable. It was filled with blank gaps where he had no lessons; each block on Yugi's was filled with a subject, he had no time off at all during the week.

Honda suddenly became distracted with the appearance of his crush; Miho.

The brown haired teen left the group without so much as a word and began to chat up the purple haired girl. 

Jou sighed, watching the pathetic excuse for flirting. Honda would never get anywhere with that girl; but that didn't stop him from trying.

Anzu glanced up at the clock on the side of the building and gasped; grabbing her backpack from the ground and her timetable from Yami who had been comparing it to his hikari's and hurried off.

"I'm really sorry you guys, but I have to get to work; I'm already late! I didn't realise the time!"

"Bye Anzu…"

She had already turned the corner. Yugi dropped his hand sadly; Anzu hardly ever had time for them anymore. Honda too, he was always hanging out with Miho and her group of friends. At least Anzu had a good excuse; she needed the money so that she could go to America and study dance.

A few moments later Jou too departed; his excuse being that he had to practice basket ball. Yugi didn't even bother to wave goodbye this time.

Yami turned to his aibou.

"Yugi, Anzu's taking a lot of classes, but she still has time for free periods. Maybe you should cut back? The school is still open; we could go get it changed now?"

"Iie, Yami I'll be fine. I want to take all of these lessons; I wouldn't know which one to drop!"

Yami sighed in defeat as Yugi spotted Ryou running towards him.

"Hello Yugi, Yami."

"Hi Ryou, have you got your timetable yet?"

"Yes, mines a bit full though."

He looked at Yugi's and his eyes widened.

"You're not really taking all of these classes are you?"

"Yes, I need to get home though, come on Yami."

Ryou walked with them as it was on his way, he hung back so that he could talk privately with Yami.

"You're letting him take all of these?"

"I can't change his mind, this is what he wants. I'm sure he'll be fine; he has his friends to talk to if anything gets really bad right? I mean he'd come to one of us wouldn't he?"

Ryou said nothing; just stared at the ground.

"Maybe…"

Yugi had already reached the Game Shop and called out goodbye to Ryou as he entered.

"Yami, I'm taking most of lessons he is, I'll keep an eye on him."

"Thanks, you want to come in for a while? Yugi and I have nothing to do tonight and what with school starting soon it may be a while before we can hang out like this."

"Yeah, why not? Can I use your phone to call my father?"

"Sure."

The two followed Yugi into the shop; hearing no sounds they moved into the living room where a pale Yugi was holding the phone; his large violet eyes holding back tears.

"Yes…thank you…I'll be right there…"

Yugi shakily replaced the phone and looked up into Yami's eyes.

"Jiichan is in hospital, he had a heart attack…"

The tears which he had held back came out full force, Yami rushed to his side and held him close; his shirt was getting soaked but he didn't really care right now.

"Yami, do you want me to call a taxi? You can go to the hospital and see him."

"Thanks Ryou."

Ryou picked up the phone and began dialling. Yami began rubbing Yugi's back as his sobs showed no signs of subsiding.

"Yugi, it's okay. He'll be fine; you'll see. We'll go visit him and you'll see that he's okay."

Yugi's tears began to slow, and he turned his shining eyes upwards to meet with Yami's crimson ones.

"You sure he'll be okay?"

"Positive, look Ryou just ordered a taxi; we can go see for ourselves."

Yugi nodded, but as Yami let go of him he fell to the floor; his body weakened from crying so much and from the mental exhaustion.

Yami picked him up and sat him on the couch, Ryou handed him a glass of water and he took it shakily, almost spilling it.

Grabbing the glass Yami helped him to drink it to spare the couch from being washed.

"Thank you…"

Ryou decided to join them when the taxi turned up, Yugi sat in between them in pure silence the whole way there; not noticing the concerned looks he was receiving from his friend and Yami.

When they arrived Yugi paid the driver; Ryou insisted on paying half. Yami paid nothing as he had left his wallet at home.

Yugi virtually ran up the stairs, flying past doctors making his way to the front desk.

Yami and Ryou struggled to keep up with him; they weren't as small as he was and so couldn't slip past people as easily.

"Where is my grandpa? What room is he in? Is he okay?"

As Yugi frantically asked the nurse a thousand and one questions a doctor appeared behind him.

"Are you Yugi Mutou? If so please follow me."

Yugi said nothing but followed the doctor up the stairs and into a waiting room.

"I have a few questions."

Yugi nodded and began to answer them as they were fired one by one.

"Ryou, which way did he go?"

"I saw a doctor take him up those stairs; I think…"

Sensing despair through their mind-link he raced up the stairs to see his light crying into his hands as the doctor continued asking questions to the clearly distraught teenager.

Yami was more than a little pissed off.

"Do you know if he has a will?"

"I don't know…I…he…"

"What about preferred funeral arrangements?"

"Um…I don't-"

"Have you any other family members you can stay with if he does die?"

"**I don't know!**"  
  


Yami picked the doctor up by his shirt and pinned him to the wall; Ryou rushed to Yugi's side and wrapped his arms around him, trying to calm him.

"What the hell have you been asking him?"

Yami's voice; which was dangerously low, was enough to scare the doctor, and relieve him of any cockiness he had held with the smaller Yugi.

"J-just standard stuff…"

"Well, any other 'standard' questions will be directed to me. Understood? I can answer them as well as he can."

The doctor merely gulped and nodded, praying that the teen would release him from the death-grip soon as he was finding it hard to breathe.

Yami threw the doctor to the ground and mumbled something under his breath about going to visit Yugi's grandpa.

"No. I'm sorry, but I cannot allow that."

This time a security guard barred Yami's path. He was a lot bigger than Yami, but that didn't stop him from asking him questions

"Why not?"

"He is in the ICU at the moment, and is in critical condition. The doctors need to stabilise him and that may take some time. I think it would be best if you went home right now, and come back in the morning."

Yami was about to send him on a one-way trip to the Shadow Realm when he felt a gentle tug at his sleeve. Looking down he saw the tear filled eyes of his hikari.

"Please, Yami. Don't."

Sighing Yami lowered his hand, muttering some swear words under his breathe which made Yugi and Ryou giggle.

Sending the guard a death glare he followed the two hikari's out of the building and they made their way back home, intending on returning tomorrow.

**_~*~To be Continued~*~_**

**Please review.**


	3. Flashback: the Downwards Spiral

**Again thank you to everyone who reviewed.**

**_~*~Angels Fall First~*~_**

Well, Yugi had intended to return to the hospital the next day to visit his Jiichan; but there was a problem. The doctors were not allowing any visitors, including family.

Yugi had not taken this well at all and had spent most of the time sitting in his room crying. It had already been two days since Jiichan had been taken to hospital, and Yami was getting worried for his hikari who hadn't slept or eaten much since that day.

Yami walked into Yugi's bedroom, sighed at the darkness and opened the curtains. He then walked over to the bed and sat down next to his light, wrapping an arm around his slender shoulders.

"Hey Yugi, how about you come downstairs? We can get something to eat and watch a movie?"

"…"

"Okay. How about you take a nap? You look really tired."

"…"

Yami sighed again and shifted his position so that he was sitting directly in front of Yugi; however the smaller boy's head was hung low, so he couldn't see into his tear stained face.

"Come on Yugi, it'll be alright. Jiichan will be fine soon; we just have to be patient. You can't sit up here alone forever Yugi, your friends and I are worried about you."

"…"

"Yugi…Jounouchi is coming over soon, how about you get ready and we can all go out somewhere together? We could go to the arcade or whatever you want."

"I don't want to…"

"Yugi please, you can't just sit up here. Come on, you're going out with us."

"No."

"Yugi stop being awkward; you're coming and that's final. Now get ready he'll be here any minute."

Yami grabbed Yugi by the wrist and pulled him off the bed. Grabbing a shirt from the closet he thrust it into Yugi's hands and pushed him towards the bathroom.

"Take a shower and get dressed. I want to see you downstairs in ten minutes."

Yugi said nothing, but he threw the shirt to the floor and made his way back to the bed. Yami snapped.

Soon little Yugi was lying on the floor clutching his face, Yami had punched him just below his right eye and it was stinging. Yami stared at his fist, then at the imprint on his hikari's cheek.

"I-I'm sorry…"

Yami looked again at Yugi and ran from the room.

Yugi stayed sitting, holding his cheek. Shakily he rose to his feet and picked up the shirt, dusting it off he walked to the bathroom and started the shower.

~*~

*Ring ring*

Yami got up from the sofa as if he was in a trance, opening the door it took a moment for him to register Jou.

"Yami, you okay man?"

"Er, yeah, fine."

"Where's Yug? I thought he was coming with us?"

"I…he didn't want to-"

"I'm right here. Sorry for taking so long Yami."

Yugi smiled slightly to Yami who just looked shocked, but quickly regained his composure.

"Okay then, let's go."

Jou nodded and made his way back out of the door. As Yami locked up he whispered to Yugi.

"Thanks. I'm sorry for-"

"Forget about it."

Yami nodded and put the key in his pocket as the two followed Jou to Domino Town Centre. He kept sending concerned looks over to his hikari who was walking along with his head hung low. Jou kept attempting to start off a conversation with the said boy who would simply smile slightly and give a one-word response.

However this failed to deter Jou who tried to talk to him the whole way to the cinema. Yugi would try his best to answer but he didn't really feel like talking to anybody; he was concentrating more on trying to hide the bruise that was forming under his eye.

Jou ordered the tickets for some action film that none of them particularly wanted to see. He then got some popcorn and other snacks before meeting the other two ready to go up to the cinema.

"Ready?"

"Yeah, come on Yugi."

Jou kept an eye on Yugi who hadn't said anything for a while; Yami would answer for him instead. He knew that Yugi had always been a little shy but this was ridiculous.

Throughout the entire movie neither spiky haired teen said a word; normally they would be joking around, especially with a rubbish movie such as this one. But the two sat either side of Jou and had their eyes fixed on the screen.

Jou was glad when the end credits rolled and the lights came back on, as they filed out with the crowds and made their way to the arcade.

"So, Yug, what did you think of the film?"

"It was alright, I guess. I've seen worse."

Jou tried to think of something to cheer him up, but found nothing. So instead he concentrated on the other Yugi.

"Yami, you okay? You seem out of it; even more than usual I mean."

"It is not important."

Thankfully the arcade was situated right next to the cinema, and Yugi instantly went off to find a game to play, ignoring the other two.

"I'll go see what's up with him, okay?"

Yami said nothing, instead going over to the dancing game.

"Yug? Yug? Earth to Yugi! Are you okay, man? You really seem off. Are you mad at me?"

"No, Jounouchi it's nothing like that."

"Does it have to do with your Jiichan?"

"A little, and other things…"

"Anything to do with Yami?"

"…"

"Hmm, Yugi, you know you can tell me anything, right? We're best pals and nothing is ever gonna change that. What is that? Geez, Yug, how did ya get that bruise?"

Horrified Yugi realised his golden bangs had shifted and the bruise Yami had accidentally given him earlier was in full view.

"Who hurt you? If it was Ushio again I'm gonna bust his ass-"

"No; Jou it wasn't Ushio, I fell over while I was getting ready to come out tonight. Really, I'm fine."

Jou frowned and noticed Yami walking in their direction with a satisfied smirk on his face.

"I'm ready to go, how about you guys? I just beat some wannabe duellist and put them in their place."

Jou nodded, he realised he wasn't going to get anything out of either of them tonight.

"Yeah, I gotta get home anyway. I'll see you tomorrow, okay Yug? Call me in the morning."

Yugi nodded and turned to Yami was already walking out of the doors.

"Yami, wait for me!"

~*~

Neither said a word on the way home, but Yami had apologised through the mind link many times for hitting him earlier, he was blaming himself for hurting Yugi and getting himself upset, Yugi was upset for making Yami upset and by the time they reached home Yugi ran upstairs and locked himself in the bedroom and Yami collapsed onto the sofa.

Yugi lay in bed crying, crystalline tears trailing down his pale cheeks and dripping onto the cream pillowcase.

For some reason he felt the whole mess was his fault, he was being immature about his Jiichan's illness and was just being a baby; he was an inconvenience to all of his friends and Yami.

"Maybe I should just leave…nobody wants a cry baby around…"

But he couldn't stop crying, the tears just kept falling.

"I wish I was stronger…like Yami…"

~*~

Downstairs Yami was having the same crisis; he was lying on the sofa, curled around a cushion crying like Yugi was.

"I need to be strong, for Yugi. He needs me right now…but I messed up…Yugi…"

The two boys cried themselves to sleep, each not realising that things were going to get worse before they got better.

**_~*~To be Continued~*~_**

**Please review.**


	4. Flashback: The First Mark

**This is quite a long chapter, and is the start of a lot of angst. **

**Thank you again to everyone who reviews.**

****

**_~*~Angels Fall First~*~_**

The next few days passed without any changes; Yami had stopped trying to get Yugi to open up, they were still being refused entry to see his grandfather and the stress was getting to Yugi. The said boy wouldn't eat, and if he slept Yami didn't know, he spent the majority of his time curled into a ball on his bed.

Yami sadly watched from the doorway as his hikari softly cried into the pillow, it pained him to see his aibou so distressed. He slowly made his way to the bed, lying down and wrapping his arms around the smaller. Yugi instantly reacted to the warmth and cuddled closer into the embrace.

Suddenly the phone rang, Yami cursing in his mind as he uncoiled himself from Yugi's still form. Casting one last glance to the now sleeping boy he walked to the phone in the hallway.

"Hello? Yami speaking."

"Mr. Mutou? Your Jiichan has been moved from the ICU, and we will be allowing visitors as of tomorrow morning. Visiting hours start at ten, please go to the main desk to ask for his location."

"Thank you, bye."

"Good bye."

Yami mulled over the forced politeness of the woman, who had been sharp and to the point, as he walked back to Yugi's room, however the shorter teen was already in the hallway, eyes shining for the first time in days.

"C-can we see him?" Yami smiled slightly; glad to see Yugi finally happy.

"Hai, tomorrow morning at ten, why don't you go take a nice warm bath and I'll get us something to eat? You know Jiichan will worry if he sees you like this."

Yugi nodded, slightly embarrassed at his appearance. Yami was right, he hadn't washed his hair in days it was limp and thinning out. His face was pale and he had lost a little weight, hopefully he could cover this up so he didn't cause concern for his Jiichan.

"Anything you particularly want for dinner?"

"Anou…ramen?" Yami nodded and walked down the stairs as Yugi made for the bathroom.

Yami made it to the kitchen and grabbed a pack of instant ramen while listening to the sound of bathwater running. Reading the instructions on the packet his eyes fell on a sheet of paper, it was Yugi's timetable. School started in a few days, Yami just prayed to Ra that Yugi would be well enough to go…

Yugi watched the water filling up the tub, steam rising from the water as he poured in some bubble bath. The sweet scent of Camomile filled the air as Yugi happily breathed in deeply. He yawned and rubbed at his tired eyes, the lack of sleep catching up with him.

He stopped the water just in time to hear a pained yell from the kitchen area, but a quick check through the mind link confirmed that Yami was alright, merely annoyed at the microwave.

Yugi laughed slightly, the sound foreign for so long made him happy. He was happy and nothing would change that. 

Right?

~*~

Wrong.

At precisely ten in the morning Yami, being dragged from his car by a bouncing Yugi, was pulled right up to the front desk.

"Mr. Mutou? Let me check." Yami knew instantly it was the woman from the phone, she had a bored voice and her actions were slow. She clicked her mouse until she reached the required information then turned her expressionless face to the two. "Room 524."

"Thank you." Yami smirked (he had attempted to smile, but found he couldn't) and he spoke with an icy tone. 

Yugi hadn't detected his Yami's rudeness; he was too preoccupied with the lift. Pressing the 'up' button a hundred times Yami feared he was going to break it.

"Anou, Yugi? I think you've pressed it enough…"

Yugi grinned up at his Yami, eyes shining slightly as the lift doors opened, the highly annoying woman's voice announced their destination.

"Third floor, door's opening…"

Yugi instantly reached for Yami's hand, gripping it with as much strength as he had. Yami gently caressed the smooth hand and guided him to the private room right at the end of the hall. The room was fairly small; beside the bed was a single chair. Yami sat down and pulled and teary eyed Yugi into his lap.

They had been told that Jiichan had suffered a stroke, and that his chances of survival were slim to none. As were his chances of waking up. Yugi was softly crying into his darker half's shirt, the constant beep of the heart monitor gently lulled him to sleep…

~*~

The next morning Yugi slept in. Yami didn't bother to wake him knowing that the hikari could use the rest. He was currently sitting in the living room half heartedly duelling Jou, it seemed that his opponent also had things on his mind though, as he played a trap card; which turned out to be the Red Eyes Black Dragon.

They instantly froze as movement was heard from upstairs; tiny footsteps could be heard pattering around the first floor, and the sound of the bathroom door opening and closing ended the noise.

Jou looked up into Yami's garnet orbs. 

"So, is he okay? You never told me how it went yesterday down at the hospital." Yami sighed and placed the cards in his hand down on the table.

"I don't know. He cried a little, and I can't really blame him, but he didn't seem overly upset. There's still a chance Jiichan will pull through, I think he's clinging to that hope."

"Yeah, I hope he's feeling better by Monday though, I don't think he's in any state to be going to school."

"I don't know anymore, if he wants to go who am I to stop him?"

Yami picked up the cards and continued with the duel, not noticing he was holding them upside down.

~*~

Yugi sat in the corner of the bathroom, he had finished taking a shower, brushing his teeth, changing his clothes…but he still didn't feel like facing the world today. He knew he was worrying his friends and Yami when he didn't smile; it was so natural for him to be happy that whenever he felt upset of depressed everyone made such a big deal and he felt even worse for upsetting them.

The answer? Smile. 

But recently he hadn't felt like smiling, he just wanted to mope around for a while, not have to mask his emotions, but apparently Yugi Mutou was not allowed to be depressed. 

He shakily rose to his feet, using the sink to pull his tired body into a standing position. He had slept for hours, yet he still felt exhausted. Both physically and mentally, and school was starting in two days.

He stood in front of the mirror, and was slightly shocked at his reflection.

"Is this really me?"

His skin was deathly pale, and pulled tightly over his thin frame, his shirt literally hanging off him. His large amethyst eyes had lost their special sparkle, yet still held their innocence, but underneath dark lines marred the pale skin. His hair fell limp about his face, and he hastily brushed a golden bang behind his ear.

"I just need some more sleep and I'll be fine, I don't want to worry Yami…"

He made his way back to his bedroom, mentally noting that the conversation in the living room had died down. He cringed slightly; under normal circumstances Jou and Yami would be locked in a fierce duel, trying to outwit the other, while using verbal tactics to distract one another.

But all he heard was a card being overturned and an unenthusiastic; "Activate mirror force…" from his Yami. And he knew it was his fault. It was his fault they weren't having fun.

He made his way to the bedroom he shared with Yami, and threw himself onto the bed. And it didn't creak in protest. Yugi sighed.

"I haven't lost _that_ much weight have I?" He looked over to the full length mirror at his gaunt figure.

"I guess I've changed a little recently."

His gaze lingered on the mirror for a while, before turning to his desk. There lying on top was a copy of his infamous timetable. He didn't regret the amount of subjects he was taking; it would keep him occupied instead of worrying so much…

He felt a sharp stinging sensation in his arm, and looked down to find that he was digging his nails into his arm. He hadn't realised what he had done, and he instantly assessed the damage; the skin had not broken, and the red crescent shapes were already fading, they should disappear within the hour. 

He felt a slight sadness over come him, sadness that the marks would be gone. He moved his fingers over the now pink lines when the door opened revealing Jou and Yami. He quickly pulled his sleeve down.

"Hey, Yug, we were just wondering if you wanted to come have something to eat?" Jou sat down next to him on the bed, unaware of the self inflicted marks.

"Um, I'm not really hungry…" Yami sat down the other side of him, brushing a few strands of golden hair back.

"Please try to eat something?"

The pleading in Yami's voice was terrifying; Yugi had never heard the tone from his Yami before. He really was worried. This upset Yugi further, knowing that he was the cause of this.

"Maybe I'll eat a little…"

The other two boys smiled slightly and exited the room, Yami uttering a small thank you. Yugi peeled back his sleeve and took another look at the fading marks with a smile of his own.

**_~*~To Be Continued~*~_**

**Please review.**


	5. Flashback: A Growing Obsession

**This didn't take very long to write, and I just want to get it posted. This story is moving on to some major Yugi angst, but I am probably going to opt for a happy ending to this fic. Please tell me if you think I should make it shonen-ai, and if so which pairing (YamixYugi or JouxYugi, or a bit of both). **

**I'm still doing flashback chapters, because I doubt for one minute that normal happy little Yugi would try to kill himself, so it's taking a while for him to build up to that. Please bare with me, okay? Thank you again to everyone who reviews. **

****

**_~*~Angels Fall First~*~_**

Yugi followed Jou and Yami down the hallway, the soft padding of their footsteps was the only sound made. The silence was making Yugi a little uncomfortable; as he couldn't tell what the other two boys were thinking. They both looked a little relieved, probably because he was agreeing to eat something. Even though he wasn't hungry.

Yugi sat at the kitchen table as the two taller boys began to make something worth eating; neither were exactly culinary chefs, but Jou could dial for a pizza faster than anyone he knew. While Jou ordered the pizza Yami sat down opposite his hikari, staring him in the eyes.

"Yugi…you know you can talk to me about anything, right? And Jou too, there are so many people here for you. Jiichan may well get better, but even if he does there will probably be lasting damage and we will have to take on extra responsibilities."

"I know Yami, I know. We'll be okay though, we always are."

"I was more worried about you-"

"You don't need to worry about me, Yami."

"But I do! Yugi I have to worry about you because you don't. You never think of yourself, its okay to take a break sometimes Yugi, to talk to other people and tell them your troubles."

"I…don't know, maybe Yami. Just not right now, okay?"

Yami looked into Yugi's eyes, hoping to see some kind of emotion, but they were blank. He would just have to trust his hikari. Placing a hand on Yugi's hand, Yami smiled slightly, and though Yugi tried to smile back he didn't have the energy.

"Let's go see where our food is, we made the ultimate mistake of letting Jounouchi choose the topping. We'll be lucky if it's edible!"

Yugi nodded and pulled his tired body up from the chair, his muscles aching in protest. Yami took his hand and pulled him through to the sitting room where Jou had been waiting for their discussion to end. Yugi blushed slightly at the touch from his darker half but shrugged it off; his mind was too tired to concentrate on walking and thinking simultaneously.

Yami helped him sit down on the couch, next to Jou, sitting down himself in front of the tenshi. Jou found himself playing with the golden bangs as Yugi closed his eyes, leaning back on the sofa. His surroundings melted and he found his mind drifting off into darkness…

He caught glimpses of consciousness when he dimply heard knocking on wood, and felt the warmth besides him disappear for a while then return. He heard snippets of conversation that were in hushed whispers, they appeared to be debating something. His sleep-clouded mind told him to go back to sleep, something he was more than willing to do. But a soft tug on his arm, and the sound of his name changed his mind.

Yami smiled as Yugi's eyes fluttered open to reveal the amethyst orbs, dulled slightly through sleep and exhaustion. He stroked the smaller boy's cheek and informed him that the pizza had arrived.

Yugi sat up and almost fell back down again had it not been for Jou catching him and propping him up with pillows helpfully supplied by Yami. Yugi nodded his thanks and was dimply aware of the double cheese pizza before him, there was nothing but cheese and a few slices of tomato on half of it, while the rest had every other topping available piled on. 

Yugi felt slightly sick at what was obviously Jou's share, and was thankful that the blonde had chosen plain and simple stuff for him. He reached out and grabbed a slice, watching the melting cheese form strings. Yami was watching him closely, until Jou kicked him. Obviously the two had been discussing him while he had been asleep.

Yami also ate from the cheese-only side, grimacing at the unidentifiable 'things' in Jou's slice. The meal took quite a while, Yugi ate slowly, and only the one slice. Nobody said anything, and the meal was anything but relaxed. 

Yugi broke the tension by excusing himself to go to the bathroom. Yami looked up at Jou, who shook his head, silent words were exchanged between them, and they decided he needed a little time alone.

Yugi stood in the bathroom, having just flushed his dinner down the toilet. He hadn't wanted to; and he was terrified over what had just happened. He felt as though he had lost control of his emotions, and had felt nauseous, and then rushed to the bathroom and…

Yami was going to be disappointed. It was worse than being mad, Yami was never mad at him. He would stare into his eyes, with a pained expression that made you want to be swallowed up by the floor, but had never yelled once. He hated disappointing people, more than anything. And he knew that Yami was under enough pressure as it was.

He looked into the mirror at his reflection, gods he looked awful. He studied the pale skin and the deep purple bags under his eyes. He was visibly thinner due to worrying himself sick and not eating.

He felt hot tears prickle at his eyes, and soon he could hold them back no longer. He was on the tiled floor, tears trailing down his cheeks, unconsciously his hand had gripped at his arm, and he was digging his nails into the soft flesh of his arm. Only when he pulled his hand away did he see the red marks, and they served to intensify his pain.

Suddenly the marks were not enough; his nails were fairly long but could do no real damage. Standing up he fought with the medicine cabinet above the sink, pulling bottles and plasters out of the way until he found his Holy Grail; Yami's razor. Pulling the device apart carefully, he unclipped the blade, catching it before it fell to the ground. 

He looked at it; the metal shining in his shaky grasp scared him, and he began to doubt his actions. He tentatively placed a finger to the razors edge, and pulled it back quickly. A tiny cut opened up, not a single drop of blood was spilled. Taking a deep breath he shook his head and tried to put the razor back together again, holding the blade in one hand.

There was a knock at the bathroom door, and Yugi jumped, completely forgetting that the door was locked at thus, he and his addiction were safe. Startled, Yugi instinctively gripped onto the blade tightly, and had to stifle a gasp of pain as he felt the cool metal embed into his hand. A warm liquid dripped down his hand as he stared at the door.

"Yug, you okay in there? Have we done something wrong buddy?"

"No, no, Jounouchi-kun, I'm fine. I'll be out in a second, okay?"

"Okay…If you're sure…"

The sounds of two sets of footsteps could be heard walking down the stairs, and Yami's worried voice asking frantic questions. Yugi let out a breath and surveyed the damage to his hand; it wasn't that bad, actually. He picked the razor out of his hand, wincing slightly and cleaned it under the tap. The cool water stung his wound and he winced again.

Fixing the razor, he set to work on his hand. A plaster and length of bandage later, the wound was cleaned and dressed. Yugi unlocked the door with his good hand and made a break for his bedroom, hoping to avoid confrontation with the two other boys, and hopefully ensuring that no questions were asked over the state of his hand.

So it came as a bit of a shock when Yugi opened his bedroom door to see Yami and Jou sitting on his bed, apparently waiting for him.

"We need to talk…"

"Yami? I don't know what about. Everything's fine…"

"No it's not. Please, Yugi, stop pretending that everything is fine. Ra, look at yourself! Yugi, please, come here and sit down."

"No, I…I don't want to…"

"Yugi, come here now. I'm saying it again-"

"I can't…no…Yami…"

Yugi, confused, ran out of the bedroom and down the stairs. Yami looked helplessly to Jou who had remained silent throughout the whole 'conversation'. Jou noticed the helpless look on Yami's face, he looked defeated.

"Yami, man, its okay. You did your best; Yugi just needs a little more time, yeah? Lets get out of his room; so that he can come and get a decent nights sleep then maybe he'll be ready to talk in the morning."

Yami just nodded, too tired and emotionally drained to even contemplate answering. However he was scared when the front door banged open, and closed just as quickly.

"Yugi…"

**_~*~To be Continued~*~_**

**Please review.**


	6. Flashback: Back to School

**Again, thank you to everyone who takes the time to review. **

****

**_~*~Angels Fall First~*~_**

Yugi was standing at the bridge, he had ran there as fast as he could, collapsing on the pavement. After a while he had managed to stand and was staring down at the icy waters below. He ignored the stinging in his hand from where the razor had bitten into his skin, concentrating on the tears that were slowly sliding down his face and dripping into the dark depths below.

He didn't know why, but he was scared of a confrontation with Yami. He was scared that Yami would see the marks on his arms; although they were small they would be enough to worry his darker half. 

He pulled his sleeve down, past the bloodied bandages on his right hand, and ran his fingers over the slightly raised crescent marks. They were not as red as they had once been, having faded to a dull pink colour. But they were still there; still a reminder.

He heard a cry from somewhere to the left, the voice sounded somewhat familiar…no…voices. Two people were calling his name. Turning his head slightly he saw Jou and Yami running down the path to where he was standing, with his sleeve pulled down, injuries full view.

As soon as Yami reached him he felt himself being pulled into a tight embrace. Yami was holding on to him as if he was about to disappear or something. As soon as Yami let go, tears in his eyes, Yugi was given a few seconds to catch his breath before Jou hugged him.

"Yugi, please, don't ever run off like that again. Hikari, what the hell are you doing out here? It's cold and you don't even have a jacket! Yugi do you have no sense at all?"

Yugi looked down at the ground, his cuts were in full view, yet Yami was ranting on at him for worrying them; he didn't even notice. As the darker was speaking, Yugi discretely pulled his sleeves down. 

Yami sighed and hugged him again, more gently this time.

"Yugi, come on. Let's go home."

Yugi nodded and followed the other two. They walked in silence, none knowing what to say. It was a relief to finally reach their home, Yami walked over to the answer machine when he noticed the red light flashing.

**You have one new message: This is Doctor Hojo from ****Domino****Hospital****; I regret to inform you that your grandfather's condition has deteriorated; we request a meeting with you on Monday evening to discuss legal matters involving future arrangements. Thank you.**

Yugi stared up at Yami, tears evident in his eyes. Jou was the first to Yugi's side, but was pushed away as the small boy ran up to his room, slamming the door shut.

"Now what? How the hell am I supposed to help him, I don't even know exactly what's wrong with him, he won't talk to me. Jou, what do I do?"

"I really don't know. It's up to Yugi."

~*~

Yugi was lying on his bed, holding a stuffed bear close to his chest. Tears were sliding down his cheeks but he wasn't really crying; he didn't have the energy. He briefly heard a conversation between the other two; Yami seemed to be telling Jou to get to bed as the first day of school was tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Yugi sat bolt upright, and looked up at the calendar. Tomorrow was the first day of the new term, and he hadn't got anything ready. He reached into a drawer and found his timetable for school, noting that he had triple chemistry and double maths.

He found his old brown school bag, and selected a few pens and pencils and a notebook from last term; they would have to do until he went shopping for some new items. Finally he lay down on his bed, turning the light off and listening to Yami closing his bedroom door. Then the house was silent.

Yugi lay in the dark thinking; he couldn't help his mind from wandering back to the nights events. Ami and Jou had come to find him, but had completely ignored his self inflicted wounds; did they honestly not see them? They were on full view, maybe they just didn't care…With this thought in his mind he fell into a fitful sleep.

~*~

Yugi blinked at the sunlight pouring through the gap in the curtains. The clock next to his bed told him it was pretty much time to get up, so he did so. He stumbled a little; he was still tired, and managed to trip over everything in his way.

He heard the general morning sounds from the kitchen; toast popping out of the toaster, the metallic sounds of cutlery, Yami yelling at the toaster for burning his hand…everything was so ordinary. And it angered Yugi. Having just last night learned that his Grandfathers condition was worsening and all of the events before that he somehow expected everything to be different. But it was just like any other day of his life.

He pushed any feelings aside and slowly began to get dressed. This year they were not required to wear a uniform, and though Yugi would miss the blue attire he was in a way glad to be rid of the thing, it served as a constant reminder that he had not grown since the beginning of high school. And still he maintained his petite build.

He searched through the wardrobe, his mother gave him money to buy things like clothes and other luxury items with, but he hardly ever used it on that, instead contributing it towards Duel Monsters Cards, or playing at the arcade. Or 'lending' to Jou at Burger World, knowing and expecting that he would never see the money again. So his wardrobe was sparsely filled.

He finally decided on a pair of faded baggy jeans (a present from his mother whom he had not seen in over six months and had assumed he had grown) a black tank top and black jacket. He ran a brush through his unruly tri-coloured hair but couldn't be bothered to put it up into spikes. It drooped; emphasizing the utter exhaustion he felt, the pale colour of his face and dark patches under his eyes.

Grabbing his school bag he opened the door and came face-to-face with Jou, who was apparently about to inform him that breakfast was ready. This was confirmed by a few swear words from the kitchen and the all too familiar beeping of the fire alarm.

"…as I was saying, breakfast is served! Eat at your own risk…"  
  


Yugi almost managed a smile at his friends joke, but the sound of a tap running indicated that Yami had probably burned his hand in the process of  'cooking' and would require some attention. He sighed and followed Jou to the kitchen.

Yami hand his finger in his mouth and a frown on his face as they entered, but he quickly assured his hikari that nothing was wrong. Commendably, the only thing burned in the kitchen was Yami's hand, the toast was a light golden colour, and just perfectly warmed. Although the picturesque scene was spoiled slightly by the charcoaled squares of bread sticking out of the rubbish bin.

Breakfast went smoothly, and they were driven to school in Yami's midnight black Lotus. Yami hugged Yugi as he left.

"Yugi, I'll pick you up here tonight after school, okay? Then we can go to the hospital together afterwards, and then maybe go out for dinner?"

"Sounds good, see you then."

Yugi walked up to where Jou was conversing with their friends, who as soon as they realised he was there stopped talking suddenly. Yugi sighed, this wasn't how he wanted it to be; he wanted them to just act normally.

Anzu smiled at him, and gave him a big hug before leaving. Honda said nothing, but nodded to him before leaving too, more than likely to go and see Miho before class. Ryou was smiling sadly at him, the look in his eyes showed that he knew more than he let on. Bakura just sat on the wall. At least he wasn't smirking or anything.

Yugi sat, too. He had a feeling that today was not going to go well at all…

**_~*~To be Continued~*~_**

**Please review.**


	7. Flashback: Crimson Glass

**I had to redo the ending of this chapter and have been thinking about it for ages, it took a while to get right but I think I've got it how I wanted it. It's such a delicate subject and one that I know too well, so if I go into too much detail sorry.**

**Major angst for this chapter, by the way.**** Poor little Yugi-kun.**

* * *

**_-Angels Fall First-_**

Yugi sat down on the wall, just outside school. A light breeze picked up and rippled his hair delicately. He turned large shining eyes to Jou who just sat down next to him and wrapped an arm around the petite boy's shoulders, knowing he needed comfort.

Yugi looked up gratefully as the two silver haired boys looked on. Bakura's gaze drifted past them, however, when he saw a tall figure emerge from a black limousine and start towards the small group.

Jou tightened his grip around his friends shoulder as Seto Kaiba stood in front of them, glaring at all four in turn, before finally settling his gaze on Yugi.

"What do you want, Kaiba? Leave us the hell alone alright? Yug doesn't need this right now."

"Baka inu, this has nothing to do with you. This is between me and Mutou and that 'other him' person. Speaking of whom, I see he has failed to turn up to school."

"He got expelled, because of you."

"Oh yeah," a satisfied smirk appeared on the CEO, "I remember now. It was his own fault really, when you think about it."

Jou stood abruptly, fists ready. Yugi continued to stare at the ground, completely oblivious to his surroundings.

"Come on you two, stop it, okay? This is infantile. We all know about Yami, it was his fault in a way but Kaiba you didn't help matters. Right now why don't you just leave us alone and get on with whatever it is that you do on that laptop of yours."

Kaiba stared at Ryou, then back to Jou. Shaking his head he muttered something under his breath and walked away, Jou returned to his seat near Yugi and Ryou walked over to Bakura.

"You would have stood up for me, right? If he _had_ hit me or something?"

"He would never have gotten the chance. _No one_ hits my hikari." Ryou smiled slightly. "That is a Yami's weakness, and why Yami was expelled, right?"

Jou and Ryou nodded, Yugi continued to stare at the stone floor. The awkward silence was broken when the bell rang, although Jou had to shake Yugi several times to acquire a reaction.

They had maths first, Jou hadn't taken the class and was reluctant to leave Yugi's side, but Ryou insisted he go to PE, Ryou was also taking maths and promised to look after Yugi till break time.

The two hikari's chose seats next to each other, Yugi had been expecting Anzu to sit near them also, since she had this class too, but she hadn't acknowledged their presence and was sitting to their far right at the front while they were at the back. Yugi felt slightly upset at this but said nothing.

The teacher entered the classroom a few moments later, and straight away started handing out sheets of paper, a quick twenty question test to see what they already knew. Ryou got out his brand new stationary and calculator, Yugi took out his broken pencil and ruler.

"Does everyone have all of the equipment?"

Yugi put his hand up to reveal that he had no calculator or pen. The teacher was not pleased.

"Mr. Mutou, isn't it? I would have thought that an upper school student such as yourself would have come better prepared to a class where it is plainly obvious you would be in need of a calculator. And as for needing a pen…do you have no common sense at all?"

Yugi had to blink back tears as the teacher sighed and made other impatient noises while searching through her bag for the required things. She made a big show of being annoyed at the poor boy, and some of the other students started to laugh quietly. Anzu shook her head at him and went back to talking with her friends.

"Don't worry, Yugi."

Yugi offered Ryou a watery smile as the class quietened and began the test. Yugi took the question sheet and looked at the first question; nothing too hard, he had been the top student last year after all. But he soon came across a problem; his lack of stationary extended to paper too, he had nothing to write on.

Eyes widening he looked up at the teacher who was writing something on the board, quietly he whispered to Ryou his problem and requested a few sheets of paper. Ryou nodded and ripped a few sheets out, alerting the teacher.

"Mutou, Bakura, what are you doing? Are you conferring? Oh, it's you isn't it Mutou. You haven't got paper either? Honestly Yugi what were your parents thinking? They must be bloody idiots to let you come here with no equipment-"

"They're both dead, _miss_."

The teacher stood still, her mouth open. Softening her gaze slightly she turned back to the board. Yugi felt tears stinging in his eyes, he was no more than ten minutes into his first class and he was already miserable.

His hand unconsciously lifted the bandage on his hand, and he began to scratch at the dried blood covering the unintentional cut. It was already beginning to scar, the skin knitting together to form pale pink at the edges. It was itchy. He was itching to make the blood flow again, it was terrifying, but somehow satisfying. It made him feel in control, and he needed that feeling right now.

A prod from Ryou brought him back and he realised he had been day dreaming, and that he had small specks of blood under his nails. Fortunately Ryou had not seen the cut so he smiled and got back to his work. Yugi looked down at his own paper and realised something else. He didn't have a ruler. A feeling of utter helplessness and depression washed over him, he needed to get out of the classroom.

Not even bothering to ask the teacher's permission he hastily got to his feet and headed for the door, mumbling something about needing the bathroom to the teacher who simply shook her head in annoyance. Ryou stared after him, but didn't bother to follow, knowing his fellow hikari needed to be alone.

Yugi ran through the halls, forgetting the rule about not running, straight into the bathroom. He stopped at the sinks which lined the wall, leaning heavily on the marble counter-top. He looked up into the large mirrors, and saw the tears streaked, pale face staring back at him. This seemed to upset him even more, and he smashed his hand into the mirror.

"Ow…"

Yugi whimpered pathetically, cradling a now bleeding hand. He looked up into a thousand different reflections of himself, all staring back with the same hollow, dead expression.

"Dead…death…"

Yugi stared calmly, and slowly picked up a piece of the mirror, as if he were in a trance. Without even looked he dragged the glass along his right arm, feeling the cool shard penetrate the skin, then the warm flow of liquid quickly follow. This was his first intentional cut, and it was terrifying for him.

He wanted to stop, his mind was screaming for him to stop, but it was as if he had no control. Faster he brought the shard down again, deeper this time. Blood dripped down his arm, forming pools at his feel on the chipped tiled floor.

"Gotta stop now…Yami will be disappointed in me…stop cutting now…"

Whatever his mind was thinking didn't seem to matter, the shard of mirror ended up in his other hand and started on the other arm, making little cross shaped patterns. He watched as his hand cut into his body. He wanted to stop, but why couldn't he? His white shirt was now stained red, and the room was beginning to spin. He dropped the mirror piece, and took delight in hearing it shatter on the ground, tiny crimson tinted diamonds scattered over the floor.

"No more…no more cutting…Yami will be mad…upset at me…"

Disjointedly, he tried to clean up the mess, stumbling to a toilet he took some paper towels and began cleaning the sink and floor. He didn't get very far before he dropped the tissue and swayed dangerously. A hand flew to his head as the world once again spun and he vaguely heard the bathroom door opening.

"Yug? Are you in here? Ryou just texted me in class, said you've been gone for a while. Yugi?...oh shit."

"Jounouchi-kun…I made a mess all over the floor…I'm sorry, I'll clean up…"

Jou ran forwards and caught Yugi just before he fell to the floor, commendably the small boy, despite losing so much blood, was still awake, though not very coherent. He kept apologising and asking for forgiveness.

"Yug, I don't know what you're on about. But right now we have to get you to the nurse so she can call an ambulance, okay? Then you can go to hospital."

"Hospital?...Jiichan…dead…death…"

"No, Yug, your grandpa is still alive remember? Come on, buddy, lets get you out of here. You really did make a mess didn't you? We need to get you help fast."

Easily lifting Yugi into his arms, Jou ran for the nurse's office. He arrived in record time and while the nurse did her best to stop the bleeding Jou called for an ambulance. And then began the dreaded task of calling Yami and telling him that his hikari had attempted suicide…

**_-To be Continued-_**

* * *

**Please review.**

_Written: 24th May 2004_

_Latest edition: 25th May 2004_

_Dagger_


	8. Flashback: Going Home

**I am so sorry for not updating much recently. I managed to hurt my hand which left me unable to type, and I've really not had the time. **

* * *

**-Angels Fall First-**

Silence.

With the exception of the rain beating heavily against the thin glass windows the waiting room was silent. A slow creak was heard, the white door had been opened gently, and a thin figure entered. His expression was blank, the crimson eyes showing no emotion.

"…Jou?"

His voice sounded oddly loud, though he hadn't spoken above a whisper. Jou was sitting in the corner of the waiting room, though it was completely empty and he could have chosen any seat. It was the place he had occupied all afternoon, when the room had been bustling with activity. Slowly the room darkened and the people dispersed. The lights were turned on and nurse's changed shifts. Still Jou sat, just silently waiting.

"Jou? I--I saw the doctor. He said that Jiichan isn't responding to the drug treatments anymore. He doesn't have much time left…they want my permission to…to…"

Suddenly Jou was up from the seat, and within a second was by Yami's side holding him close.

"It's okay…everything will work out somehow…"

"Jou I can't. It's Yugi's grandfather, I can't make a decision like that!"

"Well, Yug isn't in any condition to make any decisions right now. Have they given you much time to think about it?"

"Um…yeah. They said they'll give him a week, and if there's no change then we have to decide."

Jou simply nodded and held Yami tighter knowing they both needed the comfort right now.

Yugi was currently on a ward in a single room, though nether had been allowed to visit him. Yami had tried to pass off as his brother, but a quick background on Yugi revealed he had no other family.

The doctors had managed to stop the bleeding almost immediately, and he had lost a surprisingly small amount of blood. The doctors would allow him to go home tomorrow…after a visit from a therapist.

Yami collapsed into a chair, his eyes rimmed red from tears he refused to let slip down his cheeks. He rubbed at them with the back of his sleeve, and saw Jou doing the same. This had been an emotionally trying day for the both of them, and they could only imagine what Yugi had been going through.

The door creaked open again; the doctor who had been assigned to Yugi entered the room and stopped to check his watch before yawning widely and going to the vending machine and ordering a coffee.

Yami and Jou exchanged glances before standing up and walking over to him.

"Excuse me, Doctor. But would it be possible for us to go see out friend now?"

The doctor swirled the black coffee before dumping a heaped spoonful of sugar into the plastic cup. Taking a sip he turned to them.

"Which one? I have many patients."

"Yugi Mutou; he looks like me only smaller."

Scanning Yami's form he drank another mouthful of coffee before speaking.

"Ah, that one. No can do, he's not allowed any visitors until he's had an analysis from the therapist. You can visit him tomorrow though, and he can go home by then." He noticed the pleading looks on their faces. "Listen, he's doing fine, visiting hours are almost over anyway, so go home, get some rest and come back tomorrow."

Sighing they nodded as the doctor's pager went off, he glanced at it quickly before downing the coffee and chucking the cup into the bin.

"Visiting hours start at nine, but he won't be done with the psychiatrist for about an hour after that. He'll probably be glad to have you there, and you can take him straight home." He smiled slightly and left.

Sighing Jou turned to Yami.

"Bring your car?"

"Yeah, it's parked somewhere. Think we should just go visit him anyway? I don't want him to be alone…I really don't think he should be after what he almost did…"

"There's security everywhere. We'll see him tomorrow, and you look like shit. Let's just go home and get some sleep."

"Yeah, suppose…you driving or am I?"

-

_"-thirty am, expect lots of cloud and rain today with the odd thunderstorm over the Domino area. In local news a man who held up a liquor store today faces charges-"_

"Yami? Yami man, get up! We're late! Come on!"

Kicking the crimson eyed teen in the ribs Jou pulled on a pair of baggy jeans over his boxers and sifted through the muddled contents of the floor to find a t-shirt that was passable. Yami blinked his eyes a few times, saw the digital display on the clock and fell out of bed.

"Ow...crap...floor. Why did I let you program the alarm clock? I said set it for eight thirty, not half nine!"

Yami joined Jou in the search for wearable clothes, and soon they were dressed and scrambling around for toast and car keys and on their way to the hospital.

-

Yugi was sitting up in bed, wearing one of those awful hospital gowns. His wrists were both bound tightly with gauze and they stung nastily. He had to keep from itching them, too. And they felt kind of numb.

_Yami and Jou haven't stopped by yet, they probably aren't going to either. Yami must be so disappointed with me, and disgusted by what I've done. I've ruined everything haven't I? What if he never wants to speak with me? Why did I do that…why did I…_

Yugi's hair was limp and down, one of the nurses had washed it for him but had been unable to get it into spikes. He began to play with one of the golden bangs. That was until he heard immediate scribbling.

"Do you do that often, Yugi? Play with your hair? Do you find it comforting?"

"Um…not really…"

"Tell me what does comfort you, what about interests, do you like scary horror movies?"

"Not really."

"What about movies about death or destruction?"

"No…"

"Do you like violent video games, fighting games?"

"No."

"Hmm. Yugi you're very quiet, is there something specific you want to talk about?"

"Not really. I want to be alone." _No, I want to be with Yami…_

"You're voice is very quiet too, and slightly shaky. Are you sure there's nothing you want to tell me?"

"No thank you."

The doctor sighed, and scribbled more notes down. She turned the sheet over and started on the back.

"What about the boy who brought you in? Is he a friend?"

"Yes."

"How do you know him? Have you known him for a long time?"

"Well sort of…I've known him since I started high school, but we weren't always friends."

More scribbling.

"No? Did he used to bully you?"

"Yeah, sort of. But not as bad as the others, he was just doing it to make me stronger, so that I could stand up for myself. We're best friends now, though."

"Uh-huh. What about the other boy…Yami was it? Where does he come into all of this? Did he used to bully you too?"

Thoughts of telling the women all about the puzzle, and Yami being an ancient pharaoh crossed Yugi's mind, but he decided he didn't want to be locked up in a mental institute and decided otherwise.

"He has always looked after me; he's never hurt me…ever."

"Hmm, I see. Who do you live with Yugi?"

"Yami and my grandfather." Yugi felt tears prickling at his eyes at the mention of the elder man.

"Oh yes, your grandfather has been admitted to this hospital, right? I'm very sorry, but I'm sure he'll get better. You say Yami lives with the two of you? What about his own family?"

"He doesn't have any. He just lives with us, we're his family now. Jou stays with us too, quite often. He has an abusive father, and my grandfather doesn't mind him staying."

"Yes I have reviewed the files on Jounouchi Katsuya." She sighed, put the lid on her pen and put everything into her purse. "Well then, are you sure there's nothing you want to talk about?"

"I'm sure."

"I'll be off then, Yami and Jou should be here somewhere, probably getting permission to take you home. Goodbye then, Yugi." Yugi waved slightly as she walked out of the door and down the hall, leaving him all alone.

He sighed and leaned into his pillows, noting that visiting hours had started over an hour ago. He had spent over sixty minutes talking to that woman, and there was still no sign of his friends. He could hear voiced outside his door, impatient ones at that.

"You talked to the woman! What number did she say?"

"57c, it's a private room on the third floor. It should have his name on the door…"

"Is this it?"

"Well it says Yugi Mutou, so I guess."

The door to his room slowly opened and a messy mop of blonde hair and warm honey eyes hesitantly peeked in…then broke into a grin before entering the room.

"Hey Yug! How's it going buddy? They treating you well?"

Yami had entered after him, and was smiling though it was forced. They both moved over to his bed and Yami instantly gathered him into a hug. Yugi gladly obliged and suddenly felt tears in his eyes, he couldn't stop from crying now. Jou joined in too, and they just held each other for a few moments, letting Yugi cry out his pain.

"Yugi, we can go home now if you want. You have to rest, but I suppose you'd prefer it at home rather than here?"

Yugi nodded slightly and accepted the clothes Jou handed to him. It took quite a while to get dressed; first they had to call a nurse to take the IV out of his arm, then they had to get his shirt on carefully without aggravating his wrist wounds which still stung badly. When Yugi was finally dressed he turned to Yami.

"Before we go, could we go see Jiichan? Just for a minute, I want to make sure he's okay."

Yami blinked a few times, and then remembered what the doctor had said. He wasn't allowed to sut stress on Yugi by telling him too much about his grandfather, and they extended to visiting the man. Smiling sympathetically Yami pulled Yugi into a hug.

"I'm sorry Yugi, but maybe when you're better, yeah? You need to go home and rest now."

"You won't let me see him? Why not? Why...Yami why won't you let me?"

Yami felt his heart break as he straed into the shining amethyst orbs, but he led Yugi out of the hospital and to his car.

"I'm sorry Yugi..."

**-To be Continued-**

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**Please review.**

_-Dagger_


	9. Flashback: You Can't Help Me Now

**Sorry it's short, sorry it sucks****. Still pretty depressed, some of my A-level results sucked, so rather that cutting myself I'll have lil Yugi do it. Sorry Yugi-chan…**

**And to Luthien, _Owari_ is Japanese and means 'end' - I use it when a fic has been completed, otherwise I put to be continued.**

* * *

**Angels Fall First**

Yugi stared at the plate in front of him; Yami was sitting opposite and was trying his hardest not to stare at the smaller teen, but failing miserably in the process. Yugi picked up his fork and began poking at the carrots, after thirty seconds of poking he decided he really wasn't hungry. The microwave-heated meal wasn't the most appetising thing in the world to start with, but Yugi just wasn't in the mood to eat.

"Yugi, if you don't want to eat it's fine. How about we just go to bed?"

The smaller boy looked up through his bangs at Yami who was offering a small sympathetic smile. Yugi didn't try to return it as he nodded and dropped the fork with a metallic thud.

Yami sadly followed his hikari upstairs, leaving the remnants of the meal to lie forgotten on the kitchen table until tomorrow morning. Yugi collapsed onto the bed and attempted to fall asleep; his darker half sighed and began to undress the smaller boy. Yugi would occasionally half-heartedly swat Yami away but was too weak to actually try and forcibly shove Yami off him and soon he was being dragged into the bathroom.

"You need a bath."

"I smell?"

"No but it'll help you relax. We have bubbles."

Yugi couldn't resist, a nice warm bath might relive some of the tension he was experiencing…and he _did_ like bubbles…

-

Soon Yugi was sitting in the bath popping the bubbles as they rose from the steaming water into the air. He was smiling for a change, and it wasn't forced. Yami watched as one landed on Yugi's nose, the amethyst eyes crossed as he tried to assess the situation. The bubble sat perfectly still on the tip of his petit nose, and suddenly popped. Yami expected Yugi to smile, or laugh, but he just sat there silently.

Until a single saline droplet disturbed the bathwater.

Soon it had company; Yugi was crying. Yami was by his hikari's side instantly, holding his thin wet form and whispering comforting words. The smaller calmed down a little, his sobs becoming hiccups as Yami lifted him from the water and towelled him dry. Soon they were in pyjamas cuddled under the covers of their shared bed.

"Yugi, are you alright?"

"…" _No I'm not._

"I know you probably don't want to talk."

"…" _Not really._

"I can help, you know."

"…" _No you can't._

"Your friends want to help too."

"…" _No one can help me now._

"We're always here for you aibou."

"…" _I'm lost._

"Whatever happens remember that."

"…" _I'm terrified._

"I will take care of you always."

"…" _I'm so…so…_

"Just remember that you're not-"

"Alone."

-

Yugi was watching anime; once again he was missing school. This was due to Yami who had convinced Yugi's teacher that Yugi was unwell and under too much stress and so would not be attending school for a few days.

Yugi sighed and changed the channel, the anime show had ended and the next one didn't appeal to him. He began surfing through the music channel, bypassing the 'pop crap' and heading straight for Kerrang. Yugi growled slightly as he just caught the end of the Rasmus, Guilty. He was about to change it again when he heard a strong male voice on the television. The words cut into him like a knife and he felt compelled to listen to the song.

A fantastic guitar riff followed and soon the voice was back, screaming words that meant so much to Yugi.

**Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort. Suffocation, no breathing, don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding.**

Yugi leaned forward; he hadn't caught the name of the group at the start and was interested to know who they were. The band was good, though Yugi was more focused on the lyrics. Strong and powerful, and so topical he thought as the wounds on his wrist began to itch once again. Unconsciously his fingers snuck under the bandaged covering his right wrist and scratched at the scabs, the dried blood easily tearing off with the gentle pressure.

He pulled his hand back and was shocked to see dirty dark red underneath his nails. He licked them clean and put pressure on the freshly opened wound. The skin had only just started to knit together, the bright innocent pink of new skin harshly contrasting against the paper white of his forearm.

He heard footsteps coming towards the living room and quickly switched the television over to something less-obvious. A gardening documentary. Yami raised an eyebrow at his hikari's choice of show, but said nothing.

He sat down next to Yugi and tried to put an arm around his shoulders, but was shoved away. Yugi curled into himself at one end of the couch and kept his eyes fixed on the gardening show. Yami felt hurt by this but said nothing, Yugi just needed some space. He tried to imagine how he would feel if his grandfather was dying…but couldn't remember what having a family was like so gave up trying.

Yugi sighed and switched the television off, he got up and was instantly followed by Yami. Angrily the shorten teen spun around until he was face to face with his shocked darker half.

"Why are you following me? Can I not go to the bathroom without an escort? Are you afraid I'll try to drown myself in the toilet or something?"

"No I-"

"Just leave me alone…please…"

Yami just watched as his aibou ran up the stairs and slammed the bathroom door shut after him. Yami sighed and drifted into the kitchen, randomly arranging objects in the hope that they might become tidy. He felt so useless, Yugi was acting strangely, and it wasn't all to do with his grandfather.

Yami shut an open drawer and put coffee cup in the dishwasher before deciding that the kitchen was spotless and really didn't need cleaning at all. He made his way to the shop area and stared at the booster packs. He briefly wondered what would become of the shop, and consequently their home. Would they sell it and get an apartment? Without Mutou-san there would be no income, Yugi had to go to school and a Saturday job wouldn't support two people.

He flicked through the newspaper, settling on the jobs section. Maybe he could make himself useful…

Yugi sat in the bath, though there wasn't any water in it. The bathroom was the only place he felt safe as there was a lock on the door. He sat huddled in the bath gently sobbing to himself. Yami just didn't get it…he didn't want to feel better, and he certainly didn't want anyone's help. He wasn't that weak.

"I'm not weak…not weak…"

With that thought Yugi drifted off to sleep.

**To Be Continued**

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**Please review.**

_-Completed: __22nd August 2004___

_-Dagger_


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